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Note: STUBBLE assumes no responsibility for this advice.
Please remember that it’s worth every penny you paid for it! – Ed.
Hey ok...im 13 and this is gonna sound really, really fake but it's not. I recently joined a gang and i've stabbed and shot ppl before and i have served time in juvy for that. I HAVE to sell drugs to get money. My 15 year old gf is pregnant because of me so my parents kicked me out and im living in my homeboy'z crib, all of my close friends are dying and im a constint weed smoker. I can't seem to find a job and i definetly can't get outta the gang but i want to be there for my child because i don't want him to tell me one "you did it dad, why can't I?". I know that you might not have any advice for a f**ked up kid like me but plz, if you have ANY advice plz, plz tell me. I'm suicidal right now.
Dear Suicidal:
Try going to school and learning to spell. Life is not a text message. Oh yeah, but keep on with that chronic and don’t kill yourself. How old do you think you’ll get anyway? And see if you can get a DNA test on your girlfriend’s baby. You sound like a busy 13-year-old, so maybe your B has too much free time, and the kid’s not yours. Wouldn’t be the first time, believe me. I think you can get on Judge Judy and get the test paid for. Of course this advice is probably too late anyhow. Goodbye and good luck! – Basement Steve
Dear Basement Steve:
I’m British and people keep calling me Jickey. I don’t know what it means but it doesn’t sound flattering. Are they making fun of me? – TruBrit
You Ignorant Jickey Bastard:
No, they’re not making fun of you. They are insulting you in a way that, being a Jickey Bastard, you can’t understand. Calling you a Jickey means that you represent things that “TruAmerican”s find repulsive, such as tea and crumpets, taxation and tyranny. They want you to go home. Get it? - Basement Steve
PS – Have a nice 4th of July. You Jickey Bastard.
hi , my name is angelica, and i want to ask you a ? about my sex life! well its ok but not really i just wanted to know? if you could help? well heres my ? .. when i was 13 i looked at my downstairs lady parts...and the lady parts had little bumbs on them. inside...i dont even Know why..i didnt even lose my virginity yet..but i hope its nothing serious. .. cause when i want to lose it i dont want to give what ever it is to my mate...and i dont want to go get checked cause im scared on what it is...what do you think i should do? is it normal....and im 16 and the little bumbs are still there and i just want to know if its normal? so help me please! but i know its not a S.T.D cause i never had any kind of sexual contact with anyone...so please help me. please w/b as soon as possible.
Dear Angelica:
This sounds like a serious but easily corrected medical condition. I’m assuming they’re not painful, since you’ve had these bumps for 3 years, but it’s high time you had them looked at. Perhaps if you were no longer a virgin, these bumps would resolve themselves. It’s been known to happen. Why don’t you contact me at my private number? I’m willing to assume the risk of getting bumps too, in order to perform a much-needed public service. You poor, poor thing. – Basement Steve
Dear BS: I was reading a magazine and I discovered an ad promoting a product called 'Sweet Release'. Basically this product consists of capsules that are suppose to make a male's semen taste like apples. This to me seems a bit hard to ........ahem swallow, for lack of a better word.
My question for you is, have you heard about this product? Is it safe for use? And what are the negative side affects if there are any? – unsigned
Dear Shy Secretor: That’s ridiculous. There is no product that will change the flavor of sperm while it is in the male’s body. I’ve never heard of it, but sure, it’s probably fine. Especially if you take it, not me. And by the way it’s “side effects” not “side affects.” I’m sure they’re minor and confined to things like projectile vomiting, erectile dysfunction, and anal bleeding. Oh, and on the off chance that you’re a woman, may I say that mine has a delicate flavor that‘s been compared to truffles. Or so I’m told. – Basement Steve
